An Essay on Youth

 liner notes to THE SENTIMENTAL REBEL

I always felt that from when I was a young boy, I was predestined to be different. For a long time, I thought being different was a bad thing – until I became a musician.

Sure, it’s a stereotype of musicians being the beatniks and hippies who preach about nirvana and relativity and loving each other. But there’s something about music that paradoxically expresses your love for what comes before you, and your own unique traits and wrinkles; the problem is, many people shy away from the latter. If there’s anything I’ve learned through music, it’s what to keep from your childhood and what to discard in order to still move forward in life.

This jazz tone poem, The Sentimental Rebel, stems from contemplating my youth as an outsider in school, simply just being too weird for everyone – this even continued through college, when I started taking jazz on French horn much more seriously. The title stems from the rite of passage that is teenage rebellion, calling the very idea into question; without a cause, what are we rebelling against? Ourselves? With the passage of time guaranteed, these strong adolescent sentiments soon turn into a sentimental flashback of those wild and woolly days; ironically, imposter syndrome is one of those shared experiences across all humanity. Even the strongest and most dedicated rebels out there have some ounce of sentiment, nostalgia, or sensitivity in their body.

This adolescent trip is where we find ourselves in “Yarlgh”, so named for a vocalization made by bassist Jack Bruce while playing his wild jazz tune “Over the Cliff”. It represents both the freewheeling spirit of being a young adult, and the uncertainty of what will happen next, or simply the missing puzzle piece of where one’s place is in the grand scheme of life. This very piece starts to click with “The Balance”, which represents the next phase of young adulthood where one becomes more aware of the world around them, and starts to change accordingly. For me, this was gaining more acute self-awareness and keeping my personal quirks and impulses in check. Once one becomes more self-aware, there inevitably comes an attempt to conform in some way; one way would be to change how one dresses, hence the next title being “Snappy Dresser”. For me, it was definitely an attempt to try and be noticed, but also an attempt to stand out more from the simple t-shirt and jeans I had been wearing my whole life.

“Weakest Link” touches on self-doubt and self-pity that arises after many, many years of being an outsider and wondering why, like being the weakest link in the chain. This definitely peaked when I was in college; part of it was that I had just been around the wrong kind of people for me for so long, but I was also questioning if everything I had ever done up to that point was wrong. “The Tragedy” can refer to any event or crisis that completely alters one’s perspective on life in a humbling, stark reality check. For a lot of us, this could refer to the pandemic that happened but four years ago, that completely altered life as we know it even up to today. Taking all this into account, one is faced with an important decision: to either give up and continue a life of misery and loathing, or to take whatever they can from a bad (or good) experience and apply it to self-betterment. The rose-colored glasses of youth may come off, as they will inevitably, but it’s up to you to determine how you view life and what gets in your way; the naivety of childhood is gone, having lived through any number of harrowing experiences, but a healthy, childlike optimism and wonder at the world around you is what helps many adults face the struggles of life. An uncertain future with this mindset is where we close, with “For The Better”.

For this project, I have been incredibly fortunate to interpret this music with stellar musicians and great friends: Coleman Gliddon on piano, Ben Tervort on bass, and Jaylen Ward on drums. This music draws on a variety of influences, from the tone poems of Richard Strauss to the modern jazz sound of Immanuel Wilkins, to some of the great titans of American music, John Coltrane and Ornette Coleman. The players in this band are all multifaceted players comfortable in a variety of contexts, and they gave this music their all. Jaylen’s flow on drums is incredible, and it’s at the point where he can do anything he wants with the time and it always lands right back where it should be. Ben provides a solid foundation and is also a wonderful melodicist, with a woody and burnished bass sound. Coleman and I got acquainted when I first moved to Kansas City, and we got to understand each other musically over a span of time; this is the pinnacle of our musical hookup. This creates a wonderfully sympathetic, dynamic, and interactive rhythm section, willing to make anything happen at any time; they understand what each movement of The Sentimental Rebel requires and then some. It was an honor and privilege having them on the project.

Writing this work was one step for me in understanding what to keep from childhood, and the reflections around writing it were invaluable. I hope you listen, enjoy, and contemplate these things in your own life as well.

November 22, 2024

THE SENTIMENTAL REBEL

A six movement jazz tone poem written by Loren Broaddus

Coleman Gliddon – piano
Ben Tervort – bass
Jaylen Ward – drums
Loren Broaddus – French horn